“I am in a battle with something unknown. I fight a hidden opponent.”
I often compare myself to who I was three years ago, in my sophomore year of high school. I was happy. I spent time with my friends; I walked down the halls of my school with joy. Life was so innocent. Sure, I had algebra tests and football games under the Friday night lights, but I knew what I was fighting. Now, I am in a battle with something unknown. I fight a hidden opponent, something that lies deep within me.
Mental health is a war that is within, hiding behind the walls of your skin. The best way to describe it is that it is an untamed fire burning through forests of dry wood, and you are a firefighter without water. You don’t know where the fire is coming from, and multiple fires are burning. It’s not an easy battle. The phrase, “Be strong, it will get better.” can only be believed for so long. Frequently fighting with the masked enemy is exhausting. I am the commander who sometimes waves the white flag behind the damaged fort. I have spent endless amounts of time rebuilding the structure, only to have it torn down moments after.
“I wonder about where I am in the fight. The problem is that I have no clue.”
The war adapts as you adapt. The challenges I face now as a freshman student-athlete in college present a different set of warriors than the ones I fought as a senior in high school. Oftentimes, I wonder about where I am in the fight. The problem is that I have no clue. If not dealt with, the fight can last a lifetime. I identified the beginning of the war last year, and multiple times I believed I had conquered the enemy. Unfortunately, the enemy kept coming back in different forms. It is important to be patient with yourself. A phrase I often repeat is, “being great takes time, but it is worth the wait.” If you are able to win the war against yourself, you will have won a war that many people face. It does not matter how long it takes to win, as long as you are the victor.
“You can always find ways to win.”
The good thing about conflict is that you can always find ways to win. For me, the idea of winning small battles to win the war keeps me motivated. My battles are fought everyday. The battle is sometimes going and sitting alone or chatting with a random person. I am a firm believer in taking time to tend to others. I have come to the realization that helping others helps me find strength to fight my enemy. As time passes in the war, I find ways to become stronger. Even if I fall down, getting up is what matters the most.
“Stand your ground and seek help. You are strong and can win the war.”
Embracing that I struggle with mental health helps me understand that if I keep picking myself up, one day there will be a peace treaty. Many of us never acknowledge that we struggle with mental health. If you do recognize it, stand your ground, and seek help. You are strong and can win the war. Hope is something that no one can take from you. Although a resolution can take a long time, at the end of the winding, dark tunnel is a light. Indeed, one day, the journey of darkness will conclude, and the war will be over. Never give up. Victory will be accomplished.
