Acceptance
For me, mental health has been—and still is—an influential force in my life. Discovering that I suffer from minor depression has deepened my appreciation for my mental well-being and helped me understand once unexplainable qualities. Some days are more challenging than others; there are moments when I find it nearly impossible to concentrate, my mind racing like a hamster wheel. Yet, on other days, I feel unstoppable. I can feel a bubbliness in my heart. Truthfully, this is simply part of the human condition. However, learning to recognize these extremes has comforted me, allowing me to confront my feelings and share them openly.
As an athlete, the weight of expectation and pressure is immense, despite reassurances from coaches that such pressure is self-imposed.
When you do not openly share your struggles, it creates a toxic cycle of external and internal denial, overwhelming your senses and leading to breakdowns behind closed doors. It perpetuates the stigma that mental health issues stem from a lack of “mental toughness.” This stigma can rob you of sleep, lead to poor academic performance, disrupt your nutrition, and erode your self-worth, all rooted in a deep-seated fear—fear of being honest with yourself and others. Acknowledging your feelings can be daunting, yet your reluctance contributes to the very stigma you wish to dismantle.
I know this struggle all too well. For a long time, I hesitated to admit I had a problem. I wasted precious time inflicting unnecessary pain upon myself, prolonging mental blocks that hindered my growth. I embraced the Hemingway mindset, believing I could face my challenges alone. Deep down, I think I feared the hard work required to rewire my thinking and confront my issues; however, I also believe that there was some minuscule part of me that enjoyed the toxic nature of how I felt.
Time is fleeting, and we cannot afford to let fear prevent us from improving our mental health. As an athlete, you have a limited window to reach your potential, and once that time passes, it is gone. Denying your feelings can only work against your interests as an athlete, student, and person. This unwinnable fight will drain your energy and motivation.
The first step must be to accept your mental health—not just for the sake of your performance but to lead a fulfilling life and truly make the most of every moment.
Self Image
When I finally accepted that I was struggling, I began to realize how negatively my self-image had been impacted. It was so detrimental that I had become my own enemy—my own bully. I hurt myself internally, and it started to affect me externally. I began to display my worst qualities: unreasonable outbursts of frustration, anger, deep depression, unstoppable anxiety, and an unrelenting belief that I would never be good enough.
Specifically, there was one moment in my sophomore year of high school when I realized how detrimental my current self-image was. Every year we have our annual fundraiser called the hit-a-thon. The hit-a-thon consists of one round of batting practice for each player. Each ball is paid for by a donor and each foot the ball travels is equivalent to a certain amount of money. Even though this was planned to be a fun day of fundraising I still put an outlandish amount of pressure on myself to have a flawless round of BP. I walked in with the unrealistic expectation to hit as many home runs as Shohei Ohtani would and impress everyone watching in the crowd; somewhere along the way, I would convince myself that I belonged. Truthfully, I had one of the worst rounds of BP imaginable; it was a dumpster fire. By the time I got home, I was in a different world, completely enveloped in destructive self-talk. It was a complete capitulation of events where I suddenly started to question all the effort I had put in and began to wonder whether or not I should seriously pursue the game of baseball. Thank God I had my Mom there to comfort me. This moment flipped a switch inside me, and I realized deep down that I could no longer afford to worry about what everyone else thought of me. I realized that my frustration was misplaced, and I lacked the understanding that I am human and I am allowed to have a shitty day of BP.
As athletes, we often feel like we are under a cacophony of watchful eyes, each pair with their own opinion of who we are. We give so much power to others, allowing our assumptions about their judgments to dictate how we feel about ourselves.
On top of that, our internal voice berates us with nasty thoughts, phrases, and intrusive notions that obliterate our self-image. However, this is not a fixed situation. If we find the strength within ourselves to accept our problems, we can restore our self-image.
William Ernest Henley once wrote the brilliant and beautiful poem Invictus. The final stanza goes like this: “It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.”
The path we walk will not always be obvious; it will inevitably be shrouded in mystery, intrigue, darkness, suffering, happiness, and pain. Throughout life, we are charged with unimaginable and consequential responsibilities that we do not always choose or ask for. Regardless, it matters not when we accept these struggles for what they are but that we do. By doing so, we realize that we control our destiny. When we learn that we are the sole arbiters of our fate, we become the masters and shepherds of our hearts and souls. Our ultimate responsibility—the one we hold highest above all else—is to love and care for ourselves.
When you are out there on the field, court, arena, stadium, track, or sandpit—regardless of whether you are playing a team sport—you are alone. You will be alone for much of your life, and it reveals who you are if you can be alone with yourself. When you are alone, you must be your best friend, parent, spiritual leader, lover, faithful companion, and biggest supporter through thick and thin. If, when you are alone, you are your greatest hater, enemy, doubter, disbeliever, bully, or straight-up asshole, you will always prevent yourself from realizing your most excellent self-image. As an athlete, you cannot afford to let this affect your potential. You must figure out who you are and stick to it in difficult and revealing times.
Let Your Demons Fight For You
Now, you might be wondering about my solution. It begins with accepting where we are mentally. From there, we can reevaluate our self-image and discover who we are honestly. But the greatest insight I can offer involves our perceptions of "demons." What if I told you angels sometimes take the form of demons? You might be shocked or offended, but I believe this deeply. Let me explain.
Demons are not physical beings; they do not look like what we see in movies, yet they are absolutely real, and their purpose is to challenge us, not to harm us. I have faced many struggles that I now see as my demons. There have been countless nights when I felt haunted by self-doubt and loneliness. These feelings are the real demons, but they’re not here to hurt us. Instead, they exist to spur positive change and highlight behaviors that detract from our best selves.
When we accept our "demons," we open the door to transformation. Seeking help allows us to reframe our struggles, turning them into tools for growth. It won't be easy, nor will it permanently rid us of our challenges, but it prepares us for the next fight. Remember, the right step is always the first step.
Connecting back to the core message, accepting our “demons” opens the door to positive change. When we seek help, we transform our struggles into sources of renewed hope and vision. By committing to discover our truest self-image, we allow our “demons” to work in our favor. This process is not easy and will not eliminate our challenges; however, it prepares us for future struggles, making us more resilient each time. Remember, the right step is always the first step.
Mental health has been a challenge for me, and I know it has been for many of you, too.
Your struggles are not a mistake; they are part of your journey, and you will be the one to reap the rewards on the other side.
Do not fall into the trap of resisting your demons or believing that you lack “mental toughness.” Instead, let them guide you toward incredible personal growth. As the saying goes, “Mental health is not a destination; it’s a journey.” Make sure to embrace it as your own.
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